non-heterosexuality, nature vs nurture

wooo i dont think i've ever written a post this early in the day haha. it's my day off.

anybody have heard of an iphone app called "grindr"? i personally think it's kinda creepy. what if they want to kill you!? i guess this app is mainly for those who are in the closet and--i hate to use this word but--desperate? i would never hook up with a stranger in such a manner... no offense to those who read this and is using grindr but....
i dont even hook up with female strangers. i stick to people who are friends or friends of friends/family. to be honest even though i probably would find some strangers to be attractive and i would want to hook up with them but it might just bite me in the ass at the end. at least with friends or friends of friends/family i can ask my friends/family some info about them.

talk about strangers. i was on the bus the other day and i met this very charming-looking girl. she was pretty but not gorgeous. she would be category 1. i think.
(btw, about my category system. i now literally use that for every single attractive person i see "hmm i think he'd be category 3. too pretty to be category 1. fuck me, she's definetely category 2. just look at those titties.")
anywho, back to the girl on the bus. there's something about her that says she doesn't care too much about what people think but at the same time looks classy. she seemed really down to earth. i couldn't stop looking at her--not staring of course, thats creepy. i dont come across too many girls like her...
then she got off the bus and the rest was history...
:|
damn.

so this past month i havent had any pokemon at all because apparently when i downloaded the game it must've been rigged or something. remember when i said the game kept freezing but i managed to keep on going? well this time around, it just keeps freezing, period. maybe its a sign that i should buy the actual game (and start all over again T_T)

co-worker crush update! yea i'm pretty sure at this point that he'll be the very first person i come out to. kind of ironic eh? but he's a really cool dude. and i'm resigning this july to continue my schooling anyways so it's all good.... or is it? dun dun duunnn...
and i'm starting to kind of like his girlfriend too--actually his mistress since his wife is still back in the philippines. but i definetely would go for him over her. she's a cute girl but she seems kind of awkward at times. if he also liked men, wouldn't it be just horrible for me to secretly chop the both of them at the same. i wonder if i would ever do such a terrible thing in the future, go out with each partner of a couple (of a bisexual guy also) knowing full well that they're actually dating each other... "bad bad bisexual man" confusing shit. lets move on.

so as i was googling some stuff about homosexuality and bisexuality and whatnot, i came across a little "biology" of it. there's a bunch of articles about reasearches over this so if you want you can just google it.
they say the more older brothers the dude has (this excludes female subjects) the more likely he'll be homosexual or bisexual.
and i've been reading a lot of gay blogs and i notice many of them mention they have older brother(s). and i too have one older brother myself. come to think of it, this would make michael jackson really really gay lol. some say it has something to do with the brain development in the mother's womb after every male child is conceived. we're getting closer and closer to proving that non-heterosexuality (in men at least) is more "nature than nurture".
this had got me pretty curious actually because not too people pay attention to this. what do you guys think of this?

i hope to share you guys how my nephew's funeral really went down in my next post. hopefully soon.

thanks for reading guys. good nig--day! and God bless always.

what category would hunk tebow fit in?

i am finally back again
after being gone for over a week now.

my nephew's viewing was last thursday and his official funeral and cremation was the very next day. it might just be our family's most emotional 2 days in our lives. but i'll share about those 2 days in another post.


i now have a stalker.

kinda a long story. i'll tell you guys the details in another post. it's a she. an unattractive she.


also, i now have a... credit card! pretty stoked.
so a friend's friend hooked me up (of course legally) to get one approved for me. finally. this device will make my life that much easier. but at the same time with the wrong intentions, that much harder. i'm still young and single. i highly doubt i'd be abusing my credit at this point of my life.


i watched iron man 2 two days ago. i can't complain, i'm a superhero movie whore. but i personally liked the first one better. gwyneth paltrow + scarlett johansson + leslie bibb (god she was so cute in "popular") = mmm...
ahhh so many foreshadowing of the avengers movie!!! there were also some foreshadowing in the hulk movie too. so i think it's a done deal
aaahhhhh i cant wait aaahhhhhhh aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
i also cant wait for the justice league movie too. =D rumors online say they'll come out sometime in '12 or so...
i'm a nerd like that. moving on.


i have recently devised 3 attraction categories for myself. this will help myself figure who's what when i see something/body nice.

category #3:
for men, they are men who i find to be physically beautiful both face and body. yes they catch my eye but nothing more than physical admiration. these are usually celebrities.
for women, these are women who i find to be physically beautiful both face and body. they're usually so beautiful they would intimidate me so they'd be hard to date/to have as a girlfriend. these women are usually supermodels and celebrities.

category #2:
for men, they are men who i find to have physically beautiful beefy bodies (not too defined. i like em to still have some fat... how do i explain this?... refer to this naked man. or this guy) i prefer them to have "macho-ugly" faces. a brute. no pretty boys in this category.
for women, they are women who i find to have porn star characteristics. big tits, slim waist, hour-glass shaped, and nice hair. the face is usually the naughty-girl face.
these people get my blood running down there. they are people who i get off to.

category #1:
for men, they are men who i would have crushes on. they're not usually of men who i'd want to see naked. they're usually masculine. sometimes have nice bodies but still have some "cute" characteristics that can make me crack a smile just by looking at them. definetely no intimidating brutes in this category. a celebrity who might fit in this category would be... james franco? got the right face but only an ok body. how about tim tebow? definetely in this category. not macho-ugly/brute enough to fit into #2.
for women it's also the same. they'd be girls i'd have crushes on *note how i changed from "women" to "girls"* they're cute girls. not really gorgeous. nor are they always hot. girl next door cute. they can make me smile just by looking at them too. where would miranda kerr fit? uhh... i'd have to say all 3. lol she makes me smile, she's gorgeous, and i'd totally get off on her nakedness.

so where would my co-worker crush who used to be fat fit in here? he's definetely in category 1 but also just a touch of category 2. so i was browsing youtube and i ran into this guy. ever wonder how my co-worker's body looks like? very similar to this here. i kid you not, i am not exaggerating. his body looks pretty much like that but with less tattoos. i have seen him topless at the gym lockerroom! and the guy in the youtube clip would probably fit into category 1 because he's too cute to fit in 2. btw about my crush, my manager shifted him working 3am-11am. i work 8am-4m only 2 hours with him T__T

i'm gonna go crash now. it's late (as always).
g'nite n God bless always guys.

she is my best friend

as i was watching my sister's keeper i remember that my 3-year-old nephew was in ICU at that time. my sister was crying all night because the doctor said he wouldn't be able to make it for long now.

i wanted to post this separately from my previous post.

they've been telling us that ever since he was born. actually even before he was born. he's not going to live very long. they actually had suggested her to abort the baby. she is far too strong of a woman to give up that easily.

my nephew was born with no known father. my sister supposedly had been sleeping around with these 2 guys when he was conceived. one of the dudes was contactable. the other went to goodness knows where. the contactable guy was asked by the doctor for a dna test..... and it was negative. it must've been the other guy.

my nephew was born with hydrocephalus. he used to have to stay for about 3 months after he was born. that was how serious it was. physically he looks to be normal (not like on the wiki page). he's not exactly a down syndrome... he's always had some kind of mental disability. he can't even sit up straight even at the age of 3. he's only able to mumble and coo. my brother's daughter who's only a month younger than he is is already able to sing, run around, talk, pretty much everything else a normal 3-year-old can do. it kind of is sad when you compare the two.

so sunday mid-morning yesterday i got a call from my sister telling--no no, crying--to me over the phone that he's left us. she just got done giving him a bath at the hospital and... he just stopped breathing. he's in better hands now. he doesnt have to suffer anymore...

no mother deserves to lose a young child a little less than 2 months after his birthday, just days after her own birthday and a week before mother's day. he died without knowing who his dad even was. and to top it all off she's going to be deported back to her country in less than a month. it's kind of an ironic coincidence that we left our country exactly the same time and now we return to it for the first time after 13 years almost at the same time too. (i leave for my country this july. but fortunately for me it's only for a vacation, for a friend's wedding)

our family's gone through a lot of shit. this is our second death in the family after the death of my other older sister's twin sister when she was only 10 days old. we've gone through divorce, rape, abortion, in and out of jail, death, deportation, etc. to name a few. sometimes we do question Him when this will ever end? and the answer is never. i read somewhere in this kid's blog that instead of worrying about how to get out of the storm, why don't we learn how to just dance in it? there are many cliches just like this one but this one has got to be my favorite.

my sister and i have through so much stuff together than any of our other siblings. even though i didn't have any significant form of relationship with the my nephew, i loved him. how? because i love my sister so dearly it's crazy. she is my best friend.


guys i'm really sorry i had to put up such a dramatic post. i promise the next one will be much more entertaining.

if anybody who knows me is reading this post, this is a dead giveaway of who i am. it's all over our facebook right now anyways. whatever. good night and God bless guys.

i heart moobies! (not man boobies)

why do female bank tellers tend to be so attractive? i dont know but i've notice this for awhile since i've been banking with TD Canada Trust. i dont know if its different with other banks but it's definetely very curious. and also why are flight attendants usually hot? is it part of their job to keep men's eyes entertained on those long long flights?

so last night i went out with my guy friend to the movies. we at first wanted to watch clash of the titans (which was possibly the most interesting-looking movie that we both may enjoy). i love ancient greek mythology. BUT... when i went to pick the dude up at his place he apparently overslept and i had to keep calling his phone which led to us missing the beginning of the movie. i hate to miss beginning of movies, especially when we would've been 30 min. late. so we instead watched remake of nightmare on elm street. utter garbage.

btw, i honestly think that the 2000's (and into the early 2010's also) has got to be the worst decade for movies. a decade PACKED with baaaadd remakes and sequels/trilogies. they're coming out with a new scream movie i think. i really don't blame the movie producers. i blame the audience for enjoying such... fecal matters. stop with the shrek movies already! and the saw movies. and the notoriously horrendous "scary movies/disaster movie/dance flick". (but keep the x-men movies. i love x-men =]). like these flicks were super good at first but now they just get old and predictable with every new sequel. i'm a pretty big fan of the superhero movies though. ooh cant wait til the justice league and the avengers movies come out. *nerd mode: on*

hey a few nights ago i got bored and decided to rent some dvds. (btw, i used to rent movies like every single weekend last yeart but now i seem to barely have any time to watch any)
i rented... (500) days of summer, the september issue, and... my sister's keeper. and. watched them myself.

the september issue was a documentary of anna wintour, editor in chief of fashion magazine vogue, in the midst of publishing the thickest september issue in vogue history. as i was watching this i actually had a slight doubt if i'd be able to make it in the fashion industry in the future. yeesh, anna winter is cold. but you gotta be a bitch to make it to the top. i personally don't like her. not because she's a bitch. she just lacks inspiration i think. she seems too... cookie-cutter-like. too boxy of a personality. she's definetely one of those corporate puppets that put aside true art for the sake of sales. that's probably why she's only a magazine editor and not a fashion designer or a photographer. she knows how to sell "art" but not produce it.

i didn't get to watch (500) days of summer yet.

why did i rent my sister's keeper, you ask? well so i hear it was absolutely eye-bawling and i love movies that trigger my emotions. but... i wanted to cry. almost cried but i didn't. where did my heart go missing?

there was also a sobconscious (i think) reason why i rented it. read on to my next post.

some movies that made me cry in the past were...

grave of the fireflies
a walk to remember (lol)
crash
old yeller? tbh i've never watched this movie before, ever.
marley and me? almost but not quite.

so what movies made you cry? or at least almost. c'mon now, there's gotta be at least one.

naked men at the gym and automatic toilets

i love taking showers at my gym more than at my house... anybody know why?? i know you know.

because it's prettiful and i feel comfortable showering in a prettiful shower room? o dont be so naive. you know what i'm talking about.

well duh obviously because i get.......................

free body wash and free shampoo and free hair conditioner and free water and free towels and i can take all the time i want in it without having to worry about my family hurrying me up. the cheap ass that i am. *beep... beep... no sarcasm detected here* but seriously this is the major reason why i love taking showers at my gym.
the minor reason is the frosted glass walls (no more than 1 cm thick) each shower is separated by. =)
so you can pretty well see the silhouette of the guys inside them. and i had found out recently if you get the shower with the frosted glass facing you you can wet them and get a better view of the guy next to you for some weird reason. so the perv that i am i would splash some water on it and... watch. lol ok i dont just stand there and wait but it'd be nice when you do get the hot guy. and rarely do i get the hot guy anyways.

the shower doors are swinging glass doors and its got a gap of at least an inch or so so that you can kind of have a good look at the guy inside it. but i wouldn't dare because you know if you can see them they can as well see you seeing them. and that's looking for a black eye. so i think it was either yesterday or 2 days ago i was taking a shower and i see this creepy old asian dude looking into my shower! and he was watching me for at least 1 minute or something... at least if you're gonna watch me do it more discreetly. like i'm flattered and all but...
i dont even watch other men taking a shower and let them know i'm watching them. i watch through frosted glass walls instead. but the picky guy that i am it's not likely my type of guy would suddenly be showering right next to me. he's gotta have the right build, the right tan, the right hair color, the right height, and of course the right thickness of bulbol (filipino word) to really turn me on.

by far one of the best-looking public showers i've ever seen in my life. the bathroom is so clean too. but it's got those automatic toilets that'd flush by itself you know? well they're really annoying. many times i'd be wiping my ass it'd just suddenly flush on its own as if telling me to hurry the fuck up. because when i wipe i... *re-enacting wiping procedure* would slightly lean to my left and lift my right thigh and wipe. so since i guess my body would be displaced and the toilet sensor senses it, it would then flush on its own? sorry this is too much information MOVING ON.

and the gym is always playing the literally the gayest songs ever. they're pretty much the gay club songs that, i remember, my gay cousin would listen to. ie madonna, lady gaga, beyonce, toni braxton, etc. nothing wrong with these songs, just a little... unorthodox in such a... (fuck i suck at picking out words) "macho" place. it's late i gotta sleep.

hey remember my co-worker crush? well he's apparently an accountant back in the philippines and he got to do my tax refund for this year. and thanks to him i'll be getting back $700. not too shabby for college.

next post i should share you some more interesting gay stories back in my early teens days...
not a very long post. good night take care and God bless always.

it's all about mikey. o and tim tebow... yum.

and the new face of biangularshape to replace my (still) darling miranda kerr is--drumroll please... TIM TEBOW! because some gay bloggers are complaining about nakie miranda *cough cough CRAIG*

he's really hot, even though he is a little on the pale side. if you thought that mark sanchez was a hot qb this guy, i say, blew him out of the water. maybe sanchez is a tad bit better-lookin on the face but tebow pwns sanchez's body. (who still says "pwns"?)
i didn't watch much college football but i did see him in gq and it was one of those moments where you're just flipping through the pages and you just abruptly stop. o and he's gonna be QBing for my hometown denver alongside orton. some say he's questionable whether his college skills are good enough for the pro league.

so a lot of mikey commotion these past few days. what do i think of it?

where to start... this dude's an asshole if he really is fake.
although i am very angry to hear this but to be honest, i dont feel as sad as many others despite my reading every single post he's written. possibly because for one, i can only connect with him on so limited terms. two, i've never had an actual conversation with him. i really wanted to but i thought why should i bother trying to reach a celebrity blogger who's probably already volleying 50 other emails a day or something. that's why i like to follow blogs with little followers. that way i can actually talk to him or her if i ever wanted to.
*anylitical/conspiracy mode: on*
hmm i just tried to open mikeynation just now and it said it has been closed down for "investigation"... this is pretty serious eh? i see a mainstream news article (wtf is "mainstream" news article, joey?) sometime in the future regarding this chaos of gay blogsworld.

i really didn't have time to really look into this craziness but i do have some questions.
i was reading some of the comments posted on outsports.com and i kind of have to wonder whether he's real or is he just trying to defend his anonymity by revealing his "true" self to... jimmy? how do we know if this jimmy guy is even real? even if the blog was fake what was his motive in writing a fake blog for months on end constantly bombarded by comments and emails and having the audacity and patience to reply to them all? why didn't he write one last post to create an alibi of some sort in response to jimmy's post on mikeynation? just something, y'kno? as if he completely disappeared into thin air after jimmy's post. i would imagine mikey being the author of mikeynation that he'd immediately take down the post, no? something's fishy.

who to believe...?

i have a feeling this mikey guy meant no harm. maybe he did at first but as more and more readers follow him he starts to feel guilty if he were ever to confess too early. as if he had said "what have i gotten myself into" and just continued blogging and on the way helping many gay athletes who read his blog. but of course as so many have said, who cares if he's real or not. we've been brought together into a little community thanks to his blog. and i agree with what they say that even though it was a fake blog there are many many other mikeys out there going through a similar life. go ahead and cry for a little but don't cry for too long. the real people (at least i believe so) like me and craig and maddy are always here for you guys.

one thing that struck me recently was craig's most recent post. so he took a pic of himself from the neck down and stuck a piece of paper (badly) written on it "gay football--->er". i'm thinking of doing this too. sorry to steal your idea craig but it's brilliant. lol but that made my day. i nominate craig to be the next MIKEY. who here agrees?! he writes a better, much more interesting blog than mikey anyways. *obam--craig! craig! craig!*

and i end this post with a certain gay high schooler article that was featured in GQ a few months ago. it's kind of a long read but definetely worth the read. it's in a way i guess is similar to what's going on with the mikey shenanigan at the moment... the internet is scary. k g'nite n God bless always guys.

"best friends", naked college guys, and HIM

havent been here for awhile. not like any of you miss me anyways! lol

it's late at night again here. cant sleep again.

obviously i got a lot to talk about since i've been away for so long. so a lot of random stuff once again in this post...

as i was reading one of mikey's blog posts of his "real best friend" it makes me wonder why until now i am not able to call any of my friends my "best friend"...
back in denver i had a really good friend that i've known since i was 9 until we parted ways when i was 15 (15 - 9 = 6). knew for 6 years? well i still keep in touch with him now OCCASIONALLY via facebook and stuff but not so much now. he used to be really cool back when we were kids. now he's like really arrogant and shit.
here in toronto i also have one friend i'm somewhat tight with. he's like 7 years older than me though so he's more like a big brother than an actual best friend. we both love to clown around. ya we do a lot of shit together but... we're just too nice to each other. in my opinion a best friend is someone who you've gone through a lot of stuff together. even verbal and/or fist fights (i've had these fights with the friend back in denver). me and this guy? we've never had any fights together since i've known him (in 2006). by the way, this guy is the guy who is marrying my pastor's daughter that i mentioned in one of my earlier posts.
i've moved a lot. specifically, i've been to 4 different high schools, 12 schools in total. i wonder why i'm never able to make much friends at school.
both of those friends of mine were church friends. although you move schools (in the same city) it's not likely that you'll also move churches. so many of my close friends are church friends.
still on a life-long quest to find the best friend.
i want a best friend who's also into fashion and adventurous and stuff. pretty much what i like to do, obviously.

the closest thing to a best friend would have to be... my oldest sister. (maybe i'll also introduce them to you guys the way craig did. maybe).
and she is to be deported back to my country in 3 weeks... long story.

moving on.

i own these ridiculous graphic south park boxers (something like in the picture but mine's a little different) and i admit that i am kind of embarassed to wear it at the gym while the rest of the guys are wearing their boxer briefs lol
to wal-mart we gooooo

as i was browsing for porn i ran into this. anybody hear of this fratpad? i think it is absolutely ridonkulous... in a way it is kind of hot but... to me its more of curiosity and wonder rather than actual lust. honestly these guys arent the type of guys i get off to anyways--not really into young twinks. these are straight dudes (living?) in one house almost always naked and doing "gay" things together and i really think it's bullshit. but then again in some of their videos how do they keep limp while doing some other "gay" things (like naked twister LOL funniest thing ever). how much are they getting paid to do this if they are actually straight?? and wouldn't they worry if their friends caught them on a gay porn website like this? i think it is very... mind-boggling. and they have these competitions of who can come the fastest. and once they do, they blow it on each other. yuck, not a big fan of come. they're nasty. they stink. of bleach. and these "straight" guys are spewing it all over each other. for fun. wtf lol

also another random porn fact about me. i like seeing bottomless (hot) men more than fully naked ones for some odd reason. y'kno like a t-shirt on but nothing else below it?

i think i told one or some of you that i was about to tell you about my feelings toward my co-worker? the one that i said used to be fat and now has a totally bangin body? well it was at first just whatever. but then i'm starting to really like him. actually i think it's more like a girly crush than an actual i-want-you-to-be-my-boyfriend type of situation. he's filipino. he's such a joker. a dork. but his body is just... mmm... it's nice and meaty. nevertheless i still don't really want to see him naked because like i've constantly repeated to you guys, if we're tight friends it's unlikely i'd want to strip him off his clothes.
we're always slapping each others' asses (it's nothing sexual really). he's married and has kids so i don't think he's gay... but then there's always that small chance that he might also be bi! =D he's very touchy. at work he's always grabbing my arm and lightly pulling me to the side and stuff. sometimes he'd come from behind and with one arm wrapping me around my waist and i'd be trying to push him away (don't know how to describe this). once in the staff room he randomly lightly pressed me against the wall and pretended to be kissing me (like the passionate kind too. not the awkward kind) in front of one of our co-worker. of course i was trying to push him back once more pretending i don't enjoy it. they'd never think it's serious because we both are constantly checking out hot female customers and trying to get their numbers lol

so today i told him "hey i want to tell you something. it's not that i dont trust you that you won't tell anybody--because i do. just that i feel that it might... distance our friendship. i'm scared of how you'll react [can you guys blame me?]"
and he's all like giddy and like "omg dude what is it??"
i said "it has something to do with me... and a certain other co-worker"
and he's like "yo you're not screwin around with any of the girls here [at work] are you?? hahaha ok ok tell me who it is man! i won't tell nobody."
little does he know that that certain somebody else is him. so i told him "maybe i'll tell you when i'm just about to resign this june. so dude just wait like a couple more months."
and he was like "naww man just tell me now! lol why you doing this to me!? the suspense is killin me..." and he was like buggin me the whole day for me to tell him.
i kinda regret telling him this early to be honest. i can't believe he might just be the first person i'll be coming out to. i trust that he won't go around telling people this because for one, he knows that i know of a certain adulterous secret about him and another female co-worker that i can pass on to the manager, aka his wife's sister, and have him packing and on the next flight to manila. i would never do that but i know he knows i have the power to do that. and also luckily he's not the type to gossip (at least he doesn't seem so).

why am i deciding to come out to him? maybe because he has no connection to any of my close friends or family. or maybe i have too high of hopes to expect him to say "dude, i'm also bi! now let's hook up." after i tell him. =) could happen who knows. and what happens then? good question.

what's in it for the next post? maybe i want to tell you a little more of how my christianity and my bisexuality intertwine...


k g'nite guys n God bless always.