vaykay in my country part 1: just before arriving

note: i havent been able to blog (even on my iphone) about anything for over a week now. A LOT has happened in the last week. so much of this was written when i was still in toronto. now i am in my country. all of last week i've been living at my friend's (who just got married last saturday) house and i just didn't feel comfortable if i were to blog from his computer if he were to ever see a page history from www.biangularshape.blogspot.com. so since i am staying over at a hotel at the moment i am using the hotel's computer to write my new post. hopefully by tomorrow i will have the most recent updated post to tell you of what i went through in the last week. this is what i had left of my blog posts before i arrived in my country.


july 11

today was my last day at work.
i hated it. simply because i love my co-workers so much. especially shrek. it's a sunday so it's not as busy at the store. the mistress happened to work today too with us. i have to admit i was feeling a tad bit jealous of her while they were making sandwiches (literally) together. lol nothing serious though. the girl is cute. i don't blame him for liking her too. he also happened to work almost the same shift as me (i was 8-4, he was 7-3). so i tried to make our final 6 hours together at work last =) haha damn i'm such a cheeseball.

then i went to that corny cliff bench place thingy to just think. i grabbed a bag of doritos and a bottle of lipton, hit the play button on my ipod and thought and thought and thought. i just had a lot of shit on my mind and i felt it best to just sit there and reflect. my wallet, threat of identity theft, going back to my country, my still unsold car, and of course him. i wished i were sitting there right beside him. as i was laying around on the bench i imagined my head resting on top of his lap as he would run his fingers through my hair... i want to feel what my girlfriends felt when i would do that to them... i want to know what it feels like to be a "girlfriend" of another dude. someday.
i plan to take him out again sometime this week just before i leave. i really have never felt like this for a guy. it is kind of weird to be honest. but it's the best kind of weird.

so there were these really peppy girls come into the store. i love hot girls when they're all perky and shit. well it does get annoying if she's always perky but when she's in that jolly tease-y mood it does get me going somehow. i just love it when girls tease me.
i remember one of my ex girlfriends would come out of the shower and go into her room and have her towel pulled up real high. and then she would bend over to get something out of her closet knowing full well that her ass and punani would just be staring at me in the face. next thing i know i have my face burried in it. and she'd act like she doesn't like it. i cant believe i'm telling you guys this. let's keep this classy joey.

july 14

last night my crush called me up just to talk bout the mistress. apparently he saw a dude making a comment on her facebook wall saying something that made shrek question her who the guy is. she told him he's only the boyfriend of her sister's... in india. i saw the guy's pic on facebook and he was not that good-looking at all. i told shrek he's got nothing to worry about. i told shrek that he's a much better-looking guy than the dude anyways. he was like "it's not the guy i'm worried about. it's her. i'm starting to question her loyalty". loyalty? hmm last time i remember you're still married and are cheating on your wife lol.
so then he called me up at 5 am just to tell me he's still worried about her. ugh wtf lol he's lucky he's my crush or else i wud've just hit ignore and gone back to bed. he asked me if i'm mad and i told him "no. i never get tired of hearing your voice anyways =)"

he also wanted to buy my car. and i was like dude i need money for college so dont be thinking i'm gonna lower the price just because i like you lol. i always say a girlfriend wont buy me into college. and obviously the message is college comes before a boyfriend or girlfriend.

july 16

so i'm leaving tonigt for my country. i got everything packed up. i'm gonna sell my car to my friend today for $500 as is with broken window and shit lol. i told her if she can find a mechanic friend that's a minor and fixable problem.
i said goodbye to shrek... we went out to eat at this vietnamese restaurant after his shift. we talked. and it was just as casual as the way we talked at our last date when i first came out to him. it was a man-date. he was my first major gay crush. he was the first to know. he's such a stud both character-wise and body-wise =P
as i dropped him off at his house he gave a hug. twice. and i kissed him--on the cheek only. i'll never forget the prickly texture of his unshaved cheek on my lips.
i told him i told myself i would not cry. i hate crying after having to leave a friend or family. i'll make an effort to keep my word. we'll see haha
i was listening to my ipod in the car after dropping him off and "kissing you" by des'ree came up and i started to "feel it" and i just skipped to the next track. lol so cheesy.
o and also i gave him the link to this blog just now. all my secrets aaahhhhh!!! LOL
i promised him i'll call him when i'm in my country. for a little while i'm gonna miss brown shrek--MY brown shrek =)

k back to packing work for me. i have only 6 hours left til my flight takes off.

hey i'm on the plane as i'm writing this haha. rollin with westjet baby lol. i'm on my way to vancouver. then off to taipei from there. gah i already miss him! and yes i managed to not cry (yet?) =P maybe i will when i arrive in my country. how the hell did i get everything done in such a short time frame?... i am king of procrastination =)

july 17

bored at 1:30 am local time at vancouver airport. my first time in vancouver here. holy shit so many frikin asians. my flight to taipei is leaving in about an hour. i'll write more later.

Brown Shrek telling me he wovs me! part 2

so if you missed part 1, i suggest you start reading it before you read this or else you'd be totally lost.


july 5

hey i got my car back from the impound. it was such a fucking mission to get it back though. it was towed the night of canada day (thursday night). my dad and i called up the impound.
we asked, "what do we need to get our car back?"
they told us "if you were to pick it up today it would cost you about $175 and the price will go up $26 every calendar day. will you be picking it up yourselves or tow it?"
we said "ourselves"
they said "so we'll need to see the driver's license of the person picking it up and proof of insurance."
me and my dad whispered to each other "damn we gotta get this insured then."
so it was friday night when we called them so we had to wait until monday to buy the car insurance.

today (monday), we kind of didn't feel like buying insurance now since we're about to sell the car anyways in about a week. we thought if we need proof of insurance to pick up the car ourselves, what will we need to hire a towing company to tow us the car from the impound to our house?
we called them up and asked them what we'll need to show them if we were to tow the car.
they told us "all you need is the money (which came up to be around $250) and registration and proof of ownership of the car. and we'll give you the reference number which you can forward to the towing company so they may come and pick it up"
which they did just that. and that was an extra $95 to tow the damn thing. so about $350 in total of expenses.
thats soooo much less than if i were to get caught by the police on the road. the fact that i was driving with only a learner's license plus an uninsured car, let's just say my trip to my country would've been cancelled indefinetely and school would've had to wait for maybe another year or two. it definetely would be in the thousands i think, if i were to get caught on the road. so i pretty much dodged a bullet there.

july 7

i'm feeling really depressed right now. but the thing is there's really no apparent reason why i should be. besides that my uncle whom i despise so came over to spend a couple days here with us. but that really is no legit reason why i'm so down like this... so i'm just blogging here at the mall in the middle of the night... any of you guys ever had one of those days where you're just randomly depressed over nothing?

so today was my day off and i had some small errands to run. went to 3 different banks, scanned my photo id, filled up my flat car tire, etc.

went to eat at this filipino/japanese restaurant with my co-workers.

my crush invited me over to his house today to have some coffee and toast after i got done eating at the restaurant. we talked. just casual talk was all. it seems i'm going crazy for him more and more everyday ever since i came out to him. he's so ugly lol. i mean like he's not ugly ugly but he's got such a mediocre face i sometimes wonder why i like him so much. his personality and body definetely make up for his face... but despite it all i still dont see him in any sexual way. i do admire his nice body but physical admiration is all it is. umm like... admiring a nice car. just because it looks nice doesnt mean you wanna fuck it right? haha so i'm thinking of sharing to him this blog of mine here. the way that "mikey" let "josh" "read". but then i'm trying to decide whether i really should because if i do, i wouldn't be as open simply because somebody i know, the dude i really like, is reading this. maybe i sbould just email him certain posts only lol.

random thought of the day: ever had this conversation with a friend of yours? "this tastes like ass... you've tasted ass before?...--no it tastes like the smell of ass!"

july 8

holy shit i lost my wallet last night at the mall. just as i was recovering from car-towing trauma i have to deal with this fucked up shit. i'm sooo cheesed right now its not even funny. like my credit card, debit card, permanent resident (canadian green card), SIN card (canadian social security), my driver's license,... but no cash. ALL GONE.

i realized i lost my wallet this morning when i was about to pay something online with my credit card. so remember when i told you i was laying around by myself on some mall bench last night because i was feeling a little down? well it must've fallen out of my pocket. i called the mall's lost and found and they found nothing. then they referred me to the nearest police station if they found anything either. nothing. why all this just before i leave for my one-month vaykay?

so i called to report my lost credit card, my lost debit...
they told me for my driver's license i need to go to the ministry of transportation services office or whatever.
and my PR card i need to pay $50 to get a new one. instead of the card i'll be carrying around the original permanent resident document from here to my country and back.

at first glance, i really dont see any point in anybody wanting to keep my wallet. no cash. and there are only so many different cards in it. my SIN card is not really easy to find. and my master card's credit limit is used up anyways.

because of a potential case of identity theft, the contents of someone's wallet can be worth well more than their very own house, depending on whose wallet it belongs to.

if you're out there, please return my wallet!!! lol there's my address there on my driver's license! all you gotta do is either mail it to me or visit my house in person! i beg of youuuuu!!!!! LOL i'm losin it.

july 9

i had a naughty dream last night. of my crush. showering with him. in the buff...
but that's not the interesting part. here's where it gets twisted... i cud've sworn i was not sexually turned on by him one bit. i mean i've had many of these naughty dreams of guys (never SEX but just dreaming of SEEING them naked) and girls and i remember being horny as hell as i was dreaming these (and a few with me waking up to the smell of coffee--i mean bleach, if you catch my drift. ya i know thats gross but its the truth). but this time it felt (in the dream) as if i was showering with my brother or something. no sense of lust whatsoever. this kind of confirms that i really have never lusted for him ever.
am i really bisexual?...--yes i am! i look at gay porn too! even though its the solo stuff!

i'm like obsessed with him now. i cant stop thinking about him. everytime i get the chance to pass time doing nothing i think about him. when i'm on my break i think about him. before and after bed i think about him. i don't think this is love since this is pretty much how i felt with my ex girlfriends. nothing new. it's definetely not love. or am i in denial? no, he doesnt even fit anything close to what i described as my dream boyfriend to be. it's so surreal how comfortable he seems to know that another dude likes him. and it amazes me how he's doing everything he can to assure me that he's got nothing personal at all against me liking him. in my 20 year life i've never been in a such a situation. with a dude.

did i tell you guys that supposedly last tuesday would've been my last day at work (cut off day so i can then pick up my paycheck the following monday just before i leave for my country)? so i decided to work extra to pay off my stupid towing fees, only from wednesday-sunday (which means no parties on the last weekend before i leave. fuck). but the plus side is that i get to see more of brown shrek at work! =

take it easy peeps and God bless always.

Brown Shrek telling me he wovs me! part 1

remember when i told you i decided to write my posts on my phone first then i would send it via email and then i publish it from my desktop? well it seems i'm much more lazy to actually get on my desktop to publish it. so instead of publishing a post for every single day, i would publish posts maybe once a week. you'll notice how i have a date for each day i have written a "blog post". i'm thinking of dividing this post into two because of its length and i thought you guys would like to read it half by half without having to crash on your very keyboard from reading my long and boring blog post. i had quite a shit storm of a week so i got a lot to talk about.


june 30

what was it like to work with a dude who knows full well i like him now? its surprisingly not as awkward as i thought. maybe i'm just too pessimistic at times. he's just as cool as before i came out. btw just recently i started calling him "brown shrek". and how did he get that nickname again? last weekend me, crush (i shall refer to my crush on here from now on as shrek), and another bud of ours was talking about how big shrek is and i was like "ya that kid's huge eh? he's like a friendly giant." and my bud was like "ya man he's like shrek haha" and i added "ya BROWN shrek! LOL" cuz he's southeast asian brown and he's big like an ogre. yes i'm corny like that. although he is only like an inch shorter than me.
o btw i asked him about whether he had a feeling i was actually bisexual or just homosexual and he said he thought i'd be bi seeing that i do admire women too. he told me he remember me telling him i had a secret to tell him, then he put the pieces together and figured i would be bi. he was like "that's why i've been trying to get you comfortable enough with me by jokingly saying i love you at the end of our phone calls and stuff so you can 'come clean'." awww he's sho shweet! lol god his wife is such a lucky woman. at the same time pretty unlucky considering he's cheating on her as we speak right now.

talk about his relationship with the co-worker, he told me while we were eating at the restaurant that he's thinking of ending their relationship because he does feel guilty at times. i was like thinkin to myself "dude good luck with that *sarcasm* because well you guys work in the same place, your wife's half way around the world, and it will get lonely on certain nights! and it's not like this girl is going out with any other guys here in toronto anyways. she chose you and she probably wont just forget about you just like that. especially after a 6-month relationship." not saying it's impossible, just not very probable... drama shit. i say you forget about her and start a 2-week relationship with me! =D pwede ba yan?" once again, this was me thinking to myself!

k raise your hand if you've caught wood at work. i definetely have. of course 99% of the time is half-hard ones or else i'd be the butt of all jokes at work. long-legged-big-breasted-slim-waisted female customers do this to me. also musclebound male customers in yummy wife-beaters too.
short uninteresting story. today at work there was this hot girl who came in with who seemed to be her ugly-ass boyfriend (ok he wasnt that ugly but maybe its just my jealousy talkin lol. well from my gay perspective at least, he wasnt that hot compared to the girl) they looked to be in their late teens. she had nice long legs, perky tits and her shorts were up to her crotch level at least. the bottom of her ass cheeks were like poppin out. she might as well just wear her panties. a miracle happened and she dropped her napkin and bent over to grab it... o lord have mercy.
any of you dudes have suggestions to reverse the "effect"? i watched on manswers that a way to reverse a boner is to stick something cold under your gooch (term i learned from watching jackass aka best show ever) like a cold beer or something. yea that's very convenient. think about sports? think about football? mmm beefy linebackers--o no that'll make it worse!


july 2 (around 1 am)

hey recently the UFC is starting to really pique my interest, not only because of the amount of uh-may-zingly hot category 2 and 1 guys in it but because this is some genuinely hardcore shit! it takes nerves of fucking steel to train that hard to be that skilled. like i know it's been around for like forever and i had kinda been ignoring it, but man i bet they eat babies for breakfast. i wish i can fight like them. i'll eat HOMOPHOBES for breakfast. back to the hot guys. there's so many to choose from! holy shit... like in the nfl there's so many out of shape guys *cough roethlisberger cough* that the category 2's are prolly outnumbered lol. with the mma fighters its the opposite: you can count only so many of the out of shape dudes. it'd just seem very hard to be FAT to fight i guess. football is dominated by white and black dudes while the ufc has a bigger variety to choose from (mmm latinos, brazilians, asians! o my!...). i wonder which one (or two... maybe three... or even more) is gay... mmm mmm mmmmmmm lol

last night two of my fellow co-workers invited me over to a movie night at their house and since they're girly girls they decided to watch this chick flick called... "dying love"--or is it "dying young"? cant remember the movie--starring julia roberts if i'm not wrong... i honestly dont mind chick flicks (not because i'm half gay but because i love movies in general). as long as it's good. and this one was not. at all. i seriously dont see how you can like a movie like that.

it was canada day today. so since its a statutory holiday (it is right?) i firgured i would be able to park my car by my work for free. all of the parking meter would be flashing "expired" which means i dont need to put any money in it. they always have this every sunday and on statutory holidays. they asked me to work the night shift since they said the evening would be much busier than usual. it was pretty sweet. we thought that we should have a pot luck that night so i got to eat free food wooo! filipino food is bomb.

and the night ended with my car getting towed. like wtf. i am so fuckin cheesed right now its now even funny. so what happened was that apparently they decided to close off the street from a certain time to a certain time that night. i never thought this early in my life would i be asking myself "dude, where's my car?" so i came out of the store and my heart just dropped right then and there as i saw the parking meter with one of those bag thingies over it saying "no parking here". they could've at least put some kind of notice around the parking space that says "street closed for canada day from __:__ to __:__" so i can fucking park my car some place else. its not like i was there for the whole day--for only 8 hours! so i pretty much had to bus home of course. why this just 2 weeks before i'm leaving for vacation? and i was (hopefully still am) trying to sell my car just before i leave too. i hope i can fight this.

move on to part 2...