SQUAT TOILETS!!! LOL

aug 13

in my country i swear to goodness everybody here--i mean EVERYBODY who is not from out of the country do NOT wipe. they wash. with their hands. everybody here does it. from the villagers all the way to the president to even the beauty pageants i bet. how am i so sure? because almost all the toilets here do not provide toilet paper. when they do they're really meant to be used to wipe the toilet seats. not your ass. and EVERY single one has either a spray hose or one of those pipe things that stick out of the back of the underseat of the toilet thats meant to spray your ass. or a water spout, a bucket, and a small pail to wash yourself.
the people here to assure cleanliness they... well they also use their hand--their left hand. they believe its supposedly cleaner than using toilet papers.
there's a saying by the hand wipers everywhere "after you touch shit with your hands, would you rather wipe them with paper or wash it with water?"
i say well you dont shake hands with your ass nor eat with your ass. therefore you dont need to wash your ass as thoroughly as you would with your hands after evey time you shit. it's gonna get dirty again later anyways.
i mean i understand you wash your hands right after it but... can you imagine how dirty those toilet stall locks are? you know what i'm talking about? you touch your dirty asshole and you touch the lock to unlock the stall door... THEN you wash your hands lol. oh not to mention the manual sinks you have to touch to dispense water out of.

did i have to wipe my ass with my bare hands here? in the past 4 weeks i had always been trying to avoid a toilet-paperless stall. until today.
i had a major stomach-ache at this mall y'see. i went from restroom to restroom trying to find some toilet paper and there were none whatsoever. stupid me, the thought of simply BUYING some tissue or whatnot didn't occur through my shit-stained mind. all i could think of was where to drop my bomb.
"i gotta use my hands. i'm pretty much prairie dogging now."
in this country there is almost always a choice of sitting toilets or... you guessed it, squat toilet. not a typo.
now i've been reading about these toilets online and i do believe them when they say they're more sanitary than the sitting toilets. considering that there were no toilet paper to wipe the seats with, it does seem to be more sanitary to use the squat toilets since your ass can at least just hover over the toilet.
and that was exactly what i did. i used the famous squat toilet. thanks to my online research i learned that you shouldnt pull your shorts all the way down to your ankles or else you'd piss all over it. what you do is pull it down to just above your knees, squat down, then you do your business. and now its time for funnest part of it all. the ass-wiping.
what you do is you grab the hose with your right hand. what i did was i sprayed it from the front of my crotch and used my left to wipe the ass clean. i don't know what i should've really done better but i made quite a watery mess behind the toilet from the way i sprayed my ass. and since there was no toilet paper, my ass was still all wet just before i put on my underwear. i had to like shake my ass around a bit...

such a fucking mission to take a shit in this country. i'd trade annoying automatic toilets any day over toilet-paperless stalls.